If It Means a Lot To You

It never gets easier saying goodbye to you.
I hate seeing you walk away from me.

It hasn't even been an hour, but it's the inevitable.
I'm already miserable.

"309"

Fuck You

This is the end of me talking about this situation.
Because in the end, I rise above you selfish people.

Seeing you two together; I'm filled with pure rage.
You both betrayed me.
I welcomed you into my life with open arms.

...


I hope you enjoy the 3 minute sex.
I hope you enjoy that tiny little prick, and pretend it gets you off.
It actually makes me laugh.
Enjoy not seeing him for months at a time.
I really hope it works out for you two.
Hahahaha.


...


It disgusts me as you sat there when we were dating, and told me how cute we were.
That's besides the point, but you knew.
You sat there plotting about how much you secretly like him.
I hungout with you so many times when you could have just fucking told me.
Lies, lies, lies.
I'm browbeaten into seeing that new relationship status on facebook.
Fantastic.
You're both pathetic.
I called you both my best friends.

But too bad you've lost me.
You're fucking dead to me.
I hope that submarine sinks.

Engine Heart

This is my ballad of big nothing. But here goes like always...

I'm so happy I was in your presence all. day. long.
I had a little moment to myself as you got up to shower. Something Corporate.
I couldn't even commit to try and put how I felt at that particular moment into words or symbols.
Even though this tension is put between us, I feel it makes me even more strongly attracted to you. You haven't given up on me.
"I think you love me."
Maybe I do. Maybe it's so real I don't believe myself.
I feel so good around you. Like I can be myself--Independent, WEIRD, and funny. It's really an incredible feeling.
So close, so fast.
I like who you are.
I want who you are.
The look on your face always lights up a room. Soul searching.
I just want to feel you close to me.

If I had to give it up today, would I be able to just walk away?


------


I'm scared.
I'm scared to try and commit to you, but then fuck it up.
It's always my fault.
I dont want to waste your time, or your feelings.
I wouldn't want to ruin something so good.
I'm afraid of distance.
Maybe this time around I won't.
Maybe you're worth it...

Show me.


But as I lay here watching Yes Man eating red velvet cake yogurt, I lay awake and miss you.
At least i'll have some comfort as I fall asleep alone.
Neutral Milk Hotel, and no clothes.

I am thinking it's a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned. And true, it may seem like a stretch, but it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death.

I watched you step from the car, I could barely catch my breath. It's a little extraordinary how close I feel towards you. I haven't felt this way since him. I never thought I could even do so. Resent and resistance.
Where's my head?

I love how your eyes close whenever you kiss me.
And I'm away from you, I love how you miss me.
I love how your heart beats whenever I hold you.
I love how you think of me, without being told to.

And you thought you didn't stand out...

Feathers

As I lay here with this acoustic instrumental, I think of you.
I lay awake and miss you.
I wonder how the sky looks from where you are, and if you think of me too.
I'm not sure why I think of you this way.
Maybe it's way your fingers lace with mine.
Maybe it's your contagious smile.
Maybe it's your trophy eyes.
My life is full of "maybes."

I'm not looking to be smothered.
But as I lay here smothered in feathers, it's the one thing keeping me warm.

You wanna be a billionaire? So freakin bad?
Well all I ask is to learn to be content with who I am and who I'm with.
I see myself and wonder how I got this way.
I'm a force to be reckon with.


I find company with my records and my cigarettes, but when will I feel whole?

This is the room one afternoon I knew I would love you.
The cold cement chills my bones, but the pressing of your body next to mine made the chill fade away.
You have roses in your eyes.
It's canada or bust for you, while I've boarded a belgian train.
I don't belong here.
Maybe it's destiny.
Maybe I belong in 1985.

Maybe if you weren't so impressive, so memorable, so thought-consuming.
Just maybe this wouldn't be so hard. Maybe 11 days before school will be just enough to make you love me.
Maybe I already know.

These are the quiet things that no one ever knows.