Because you're hoping you're wrong. And everytime he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And evertime he comes through and suprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you, and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Everything I try to do to forget you, makes me remember you more.
Every song I listen to makes me think of you. You've ruined it for me, because it was your favorite too.
I can do this forever, but can you?

Resent and Resistance

It's to the point now. This is fucking ridiculous. You don't fucking get it.
I'm pissed beyond belief. You bring one of my best friends into it, to try and convince me that it's okay? It defeats the whole fucking purpose, what can't you understand about that? Just leave it alone. Leave me alone.

lpvheu0wvbnefwmbnuvfw

Who's Keeping Score?

Flowers dont know me like trees know wind
and winds blow a breeze one way to snow
the flowers around
they're all around

I climbed a mountain that night
I peaked at sight of morning light
word spread so fast in a town like this

snow only leads to a freeze
likely to be one this week
now flowers fade
well they dont know me anyway

If I'm home, I'll be alone
If I'm home, I'll be alone
I can't explain why you want me to stay, but I think I really need to go
If I'm home, I'll be alone

and I'm not messin around.

I don't care about what you write, what you say. I don't give a fuck anymore. I've heard it all so many times.
I want to feel it.

9:49 on a Thursday

Grown Ups, Snowing, and Algernon Cadawallader-
Getting me through the past few days, although as slowly as possible, I know I have something to look forward to.

I have so much to say, but can't put words together.

I miss you. I miss the purity. I miss the cold nights. I can't think about it, or say it enough. The only place I can get it out is here.
I miss my best friend. I wish I could talk to her every waking second like we used to.

Things are looking up. Things are looking the worst.
why why why why why why why why why why
Maybe I'm better off being alone forever.
Maybe I don't believe you.
Maybe this, maybe that.
See, I told you I can't put words together. "Miss and maybe," my two favorite words.
Commitment always seems to be a letdown.

I want to get out of here. I don't care if I have to walk.

Motivational Song

I want more than anything to learn piano.
Maybe it will be a tangible pleasure that won't ever let me down.
Won't ever tell me I'm not caring enough.
Won't ever make me out to be some one I'm not.

Maybe it will be a place I can cling to.
Maybe it will make me feel alive again.

Zero

So when did cigarettes start cluttering your hands?

I ponder this some nights alone when I undress. And what do you do with those girls I see you with, or better yet, what would I do if you came back? I
'd say no, or I hope I could, but I still want you.
And what do you think I would do after you left? Would I stay sober?
I think it'd be much worse. I'd cut my arms off.
No regeneration.
Was it the cure?
Hope not.