Never Meant

I never meant to fall in love with you.
Yet another 2 years have gone by, and we've both had relationships since. But I still love you.
I sit here yet another night in a row, and miss you long for you, want you. I wish I couldn't think of you at all. Forget your name, your phone number I've deleted numerous times. It just won't quit. It's hard to be here to listen to your break-ups, your problems, and be the one giving you advice. I want to be your girl. Your only girl.

It actually makes me feel better seeing you. Seeing those eyes that had me at hello. Literally, in front of my mailbox. You have the prettiest eyes. Too bad you bailed on me. Surprise. I just can't forget that night in my car with Polar Bear Club in the background.

I can't pinpoint the reasoning behind why I want to be there for you so badly. Even it's to vent. Or to hangout with you, hug you, look you in the eye. I shouldn't respect you, but I can't help it.
I love you. Still. Even after everything that happened that broke my heart into a thousand tiny pieces when I was just 16, and then again when I was almost 18. Maybe the third time will be the charm. I'll continue to have my hopes up.

Why can't I put an end to it? Close this book I've been writing in my head for too long...





You can't miss what you forget.

Another Ruined Night

I never want another boyfriend. You're all so fucking clueless.


I can't wait to be alone--with a cat and an STI.
BALLIN

It's Been Awhile

You know what I'm sick of? Men who are incredibly needy. I shouldn't even call them men, really. It's a stretch.
I'm tired of getting into dead end relationships that end in three months. You make yourself out to seem so idyllic in the first place, but in all reality, you're needy little bitches who rely on other people more than someone like I could tolerate. Grow a pair, and some independence.

I think it's time to take a second, and self evaluate. I'm ready to take the time to work on who I am, and get back to the things I love, and lost touch with...

1. Hardcore
2. Vinyls
3. Collages


And I still want to learn piano.



Here's to a new me, and to being single, lonely, and still loving PBR.
Cheers.

Because you're hoping you're wrong. And everytime he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And evertime he comes through and suprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you, and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Everything I try to do to forget you, makes me remember you more.
Every song I listen to makes me think of you. You've ruined it for me, because it was your favorite too.
I can do this forever, but can you?

Resent and Resistance

It's to the point now. This is fucking ridiculous. You don't fucking get it.
I'm pissed beyond belief. You bring one of my best friends into it, to try and convince me that it's okay? It defeats the whole fucking purpose, what can't you understand about that? Just leave it alone. Leave me alone.

lpvheu0wvbnefwmbnuvfw

Who's Keeping Score?

Flowers dont know me like trees know wind
and winds blow a breeze one way to snow
the flowers around
they're all around

I climbed a mountain that night
I peaked at sight of morning light
word spread so fast in a town like this

snow only leads to a freeze
likely to be one this week
now flowers fade
well they dont know me anyway

If I'm home, I'll be alone
If I'm home, I'll be alone
I can't explain why you want me to stay, but I think I really need to go
If I'm home, I'll be alone

and I'm not messin around.